Chronicles of a Hot Mess Read online

  “How’d you meet those two, anyhow?” Amery asked her.

  “Well, Nate and I met in elementary school and have been best friends ever since. When Nate came out to me, we started going to local gay clubs, bars, events, stuff where Nate could meet people in the community. He was too shy back then to go alone, so I was his ‘wing woman.’ Anyhow, one night we ended up at a bingo tournament and B-Ray was the announcer. Nate won like four times that night and B-Ray started openly teasing him that he must be cheating or something. Nate gave it back to her, and afterward, B-Ray invited us to a club and well, the rest is history as they say,” she explained.

  “It’s nice you have good friends. So, you live with Nate and your grandmother?” he pried. He really wanted to figure this woman out.

  “Yep,” she answered.

  “That’s nice,” he said, pondering why she didn’t elaborate. “I guess you must be pretty close with your grandmother then?”

  “Yeah, she’s...well, she’s awesome, and a little crazy, but I love her,” Lyla answered.

  “How long have you lived with them?” he asked.

  Lyla sighed. “Nate moved in with us when we were still in high school.”

  “Oh, so your grandmother raised you?” he asked, confused, yet intrigued.

  She sighed again. “I don’t normally tell people this story when I first meet them because then they just feel sorry for me and I want them to get to know me before they judge me on one thing that happened a very long time ago,” she explained quickly.

  Amery turned toward her. Something about the way she spoke made him want to comfort her, to protect her, but he didn’t know from what or why.

  “So, what happened?” he encouraged softly.

  “When I was eight, my family and I were in our car. I remember my brother, Michael, he was almost four, he and I were arguing over who would get to pick the movie we were going to watch when we got home. My dad was driving, and my mom was sitting in the passenger seat. They were talking about something, I don’t really recall. Anyhow, as we went through a light on a highway, a drunk driver in a pickup truck hit our car. My dad and brother were killed on impact and my mother died at the hospital from her injuries. I was pretty much unscathed. I did hit my head and I broke my arm. After that, I went to live with my grandparents,” she finished and gazed back out at Nate.

  “Wow, I’m sorry,” Amery said, unsure how to respond. “I can understand how people might have a hard time assimilating that information.”

  Lyla shrugged. “I guess so. Honestly, it happened so long ago, it feels like someone else’s life at this point. I was lucky though; my grandparents were awesome, and I had a really good childhood.”

  “Your grandfather?” Amery pried.

  “He passed away when I was about ten,” Lyla said. “Gran Mill, though, she, uh, well, she’s living up her life now.”

  Amery raised his eyebrows. “Living up her life?”

  Lyla giggled, and Amery felt himself relax, the sound was like a calming balm on his psyche.

  “She is, hmmm, how can I put this? Gran Mill is exploring her wild side?” Lyla offered with a shrug.

  “Wild side?” Amery asked, cocking his head to one side.

  “Yep, she likes to go out, date, have fun. I guess you could say she is reliving her youth,” Lyla clarified.

  “I see. So, Gran Mill is a good time, then,” Amery re-stated.

  “Yep,” Lyla said laughing.

  “And what about you? Tell me about yourself,” Amery asked. He suddenly wanted to know everything about this woman. She fascinated him, and he had barely scratched the surface.

  Lyla

  She squirmed uncomfortably. She hated talking about herself. She wondered why Amery wanted to sit next to her when everyone else was having so much fun splashing about and enjoying friendly banter down at the other end of the pool. It’s not that she wasn’t social. She had a few friends and, of course, Nate, but she did tend to be shy around people she didn’t know. Adults had always said she’d grow out of that, but here she was out of college now and in her first real job and she still was shy.

  She suddenly felt more self-conscious. She normally wore one-piece bathing suits because she had a nasty scar on her side from the accident and didn’t like to draw attention to herself. Fielding questions about it was so horrific as a kid, that she had made up a story about falling on the playground and landing on a broken bottle. She wasn’t about to remove her dress and expose herself even more than she already was.

  “Not much to know, really,” she said, looking down at her feet as she made little circles with them in the water.

  “Well, how about something simple, like what’s your favorite movie?” he prodded.

  She laughed at that. “OK, that’s easy. Tommy Boy,” she said.

  Amery chuckled. “Really, Tommy Boy? I didn’t expect that,” he admitted.

  She shrugged again. “What, thinking I was going to throw out a princess cartoon or romantic comedy?” she asked, rolling her eyes.

  “Actually, I guess I hadn’t stereotyped you, yet,” he confessed. “I just wasn’t expecting that movie.”

  She giggled. “I like comedies. People take life too seriously. And I can relate to how Tommy is always messing up. He’s a lovable character.”

  “You’re pretty accident prone, huh?” he declared, more than asked.

  “Yep,” she confessed, but she knew that was already obvious.

  Amery

  “OK, speed round,” he said. She looked up at him confused and the way her long lashes lay on her cheeks and her eyes looked like a puppy dog, he wanted to lean down and kiss her, but he felt that might be inappropriate. So, he pulled back. “Favorite color?”

  “Green, you?”

  “Navy blue,” he answered. “Favorite sport?”

  “Binge-watching Netflix,” she said.

  “What, that’s not a sport!” he laughed.

  “It is to me. I don’t watch sports. I mean, I guess baseball if I had to pick one but only because my grandfather loved it and used to take me to games,” she shared. “You?”

  He smiled. “Same.”

  “Oh, so you admit, binge-watching is a sport! Ha!” she laughed, pointing a finger at his chest.

  “Baseball,” he groaned with a laugh. She grinned up at him, and he fought that urge again to kiss her.

  “Favorite singer?” he continued.

  “Duh, Britney Spears,” she said. “You?”

  “Definitely not Britney Spears,” he groaned with a sigh.

  She giggled and put a hand on her stomach. “I’m just fucking with you. I really like Adele,” she said.

  “OK, I can live with that. I am a huge fan of Eminem,” he said.

  She nodded. “Mountain or beach?” she asked.

  “Beach, you?”

  “Same,” she said. “Although I do like the mountains, too.” He nodded in agreement.

  “OK, moving onto the lightning round,” he declared. She turned to him and her dress moved up her thigh. He itched to reach out and touch her and found himself fighting his natural inclination to do so.

  “Milk or dark chocolate?” he asked.

  “Dark.”

  “Same. Cats or dogs?”

  “Dogs, but I secretly always wanted a cat.”

  “OK, we are two for two. Wine or beer?”

  She leaned in toward him and whispered, “Beer, but don’t tell Nate. He’ll die.”

  Amery laughed. “Your secret is safe with me,” he said, drawing a cross over his heart.

  “Pinkie swear it,” she urged, holding out her pinkie finger and he didn’t waste any time in taking her offered appendage and wrapping his finger around it.

  “Italian food or Mexican food?” he continued.

  “Hmmmm...tough call, Mexican, I guess.”

  “Me too. OK, one more. And this one is really important,” he said, leaning in. He realized he was still holding her pinkie finger and he brought it closer to hi
s chest. Her eyes widened as he leaned in toward her face.

  “Salty or sweet?” he whispered as he watched her swallow.

  “S...sweet,” she stuttered.

  He smiled. “I like a little salty, but sweet is my favorite.”

  She pulled her finger from his and dropped it back to her lap.

  “You sure you don’t want to swim?” he asked her.

  “No, I...I just don’t feel like getting my hair wet,” she said, and he knew it was a lame excuse. She was hiding something, but he didn’t want to press his luck.

  She leaned back on the cement and stared up at the night sky. “I should probably get those two home soon,” she lamented.

  “You all could sleep here. There’s plenty of room,” he said with an eye roll.

  She laughed. “Uh, yeah. I would imagine so. He seriously lives here all alone?” she asked.

  “Yeah, I mean he’s had one girlfriend living here for a while, but that didn’t work out.”

  “I see,” she said.

  “Kent wasn’t very good with his funds when he first got signed,” Amery explained. “He’s better now, but the car and this house, well, those were two splurges he just couldn’t give up.”

  “I can see why. I mean I wouldn’t want to give them up either,” she agreed.

  He grinned down at her. “Why don’t I drop you guys off?” he said. He had switched to club soda and was now sobered up and ready to head home as well.

  “No, it’s so out of the way. I mean, you live out here and you’d have to drive all the way into Columbia and then back out again,” she said.

  “I don’t mind. Those are two large men for you to try to get settled by yourself,” he stated.

  “I can handle it,” she pouted, and he wanted to bite her lower lip as he watched her mouth form the cutest pout ever.

  “Nope, not taking no for an answer, killer,” he reiterated.

  “Fine, but we should head out now, then,” she said looking at her watch. It was nearly 3:30 a.m.

  It took Lyla and Amery the better part of thirty minutes to “round up the troops” and then get them settled in Kent’s SUV, but by a little after 4:00 a.m., they were back at Gran Mill’s house. Gran Mill, who he couldn’t wait to meet, lived in a stereotypical two-story suburban home on a cul-de-sac. The house looked to be about thirty or forty years old. A light was on somewhere in the home. He pondered what Nate and Lyla’s childhoods were like, frolicking around this yard and home. Because it was a home, and that was the first impression he had of it as he pulled into the driveway.

  Lyla

  “Really, I got it from here,” she huffed as they helped B-Ray and Nate walk up the front steps.

  “I’ll just make sure you have them settled before I head out,” he said, helping B-Ray through the front door as Lyla opened it.

  “We good, sweetie,” B-Ray crooned as she bumped into the small table in the foyer. “Oops.”

  “B, just, come on, let’s get you some water,” Lyla said as she led Nate by the hand and continued toward the kitchen where Gran Mill had clearly left on some lights for them.

  As she entered the kitchen, she looked to her left and then back toward the sink and then back toward her left. She came to a screeching halt and Nate plowed into her, followed by B-Ray and then Amery. She went flying into the kitchen island and grunted as she hit it with her stomach.

  “Oh. My. Fucking. God. Gran Mill!!! What the ever-loving fuck is going on?” she screamed.

  All heads turned in the direction of the family room to take in the spectacle that was apparently the end of one hell of a date night for Gran Mill. She was sprawled out over an enormous ottoman with her hands tied together above her head and her ankles tied to the feet of the loveseat across from her. She was butt-naked and a gentleman, if one could call him that, who was also about her age, was in his birthday suit as well. He stood over her with some sort of flogging device and both of them were just staring at the four individuals who had crashed their party.

  “Oh, you brought company,” Gran Mill said grinning. “I didn’t expect you two home so early.”

  “Clearly,” Lyla grimaced.

  Nate then completely lost it and doubled over in laughter followed by B-Ray. “Gran Mill, you are fucking awesome, girlfriend. I so want to be you when I grow up,” Nate managed in between laughing.

  “Untie me, Roger dear,” Gran Mill instructed her gentleman caller, who complied quickly and then the two of them tossed on some clothes from the pile that was strewn around the family room floor and sofa.

  “I don’t think I can ever use that ottoman again,” Lyla groaned under her breath.

  “Who’s your friend?” Gran Mill said walking over to them with Roger in tow.

  Without making eye contact, Lyla motioned to Amery. “Gran Mill, Amery. Amery, Gran Mill.”

  “Pleasure to meet you. I’ve heard so many good things about you,” Amery said without missing a beat. Lyla’s head shot up to catch Amery, stifling a laugh as he shook Gran Mill’s hand. Lyla just shook her head.

  “Guess I should be going,” Roger said with a smirk. “I’ll catch you later, hot stuff,” he added and gave Gran Mill a kiss on the cheek before grabbing his shoes from the floor and his “toys” from the family room and heading out to his car which must have been the one parked along the street.

  “Right, so, Amery, thank you for the ride. Nate, B-Ray, bed, now,” Lyla said in her most authoritative voice. Nate and B-Ray headed for the stairs like two puppies that had just been scolded. If they had had tails, those tails would have been tucked between their legs.

  “Lyla, don’t be rude. Offer our guests a drink, my dear,” Gran Mill said pulling a carafe of sangria out of the fridge.

  “Nope, no alcohol for those two,” she said adamantly as she pointed to Nate and B-Ray who had paused at the foot of the stairs.

  “Ly darling, don’t be a party pooper. Amery dear, have a seat,” she said.

  He did as he was told and sat down on a bench at the kitchen table.

  “Oh no, how about you go out to the living room and I’ll bring you a drink. We’ll do it properly,” Gran Mill said clapping her hands together.

  “Gran, are you shitting me? You just Fifty Shaded in front of us and now you want to ‘do it properly.’ What the literal fuck?” Lyla said loudly and then heard Nate and B-Ray scurry up the stairs like kids caught listening to their parents argue. She rolled her eyes.

  “Miss Thing, you better get your booty in that living room now or so help me,” Gran Mill said in her “don’t mess with me” voice.

  “My booty, seriously?” Lyla sulked as she walked toward the living room and sat down on the sofa. Amery followed her and sat down next to her. He was continuing to fight the grin that was threatening to spread across his face.

  “Go ahead and laugh it up, buttercup,” Lyla muttered, crossing her arms. “But just remember, I have to live with that.”

  Amery clearly couldn’t take it any longer and he doubled over with laughter. “I’m sorry. It is just...that was so...awesome,” he managed to choke out as he laughed.

  Lyla rolled her eyes. “And now you understand.”

  He held up his hand. “Yep, now I understand.”

  Gran Mill came bustling in with a tray of sangria in a pitcher and three glasses. She poured them all a drink and then took a seat across from them. “So, what are your intentions with my granddaughter?” she asked casually as she sipped her drink.

  Lyla spat her drink out all over Amery and the coffee table. “Gran Mill! Are you serious? What the...? Have you been drinking? Because this is off-the-charts cray-cray even for you,” Lyla said, scolding her grandmother.

  Millie shrugged. “I needed the drinks, dear. I mean, I’m not as limber as I used to be with your grand—”

  “Nope, no. Definitely not. We are not going there!” Lyla yelled putting up a hand. Then she stood. “Amery, I’m sorry. Really, I am...I don’t even know what to say, except I am going to go
up to bed right now and pretend that everything that has happened since we walked in that door did not happen and when I wake up tomorrow, hopefully, I will think this was some sort of terrible nightmare.”

  “But, dear—”

  “Gran, I love you. But right now, I want to murder you. So please leave it,” Lyla said as she grabbed Amery’s hand and hauled him toward the door.

  “Nice to meet you, Gran Mill. Thanks for the sangria,” he said with a chuckle.

  “You’re welcome, sweetie. Stop by any time,” she crooned as she ogled him openly.

  “Ewww. Gran Mill!” Lyla chastised as she opened the front door and pulled them onto the front porch.

  She slammed the door and stared up at Amery. “I...I’m so sorry...,” she stammered trying to find the words through her humiliation and horror.

  Amery

  He couldn’t hold it back any longer. She looked on the verge of tears and he didn’t want her to feel bad about anything. He had had so much fun with her all night and he loved that her grandmother was so fun, albeit a little crazy, but in a fun way.

  He took her face in his hands and her eyes flew up to his. Without a further hint at his intentions, he leaned down until their lips were a hair’s distance apart. “Stop apologizing. You don’t have anything to apologize for,” he said as he closed the distance between them and kissed her.

  She froze, and he wasn’t sure if it was out of shock or if she was appalled by his brazenness. But then her lips parted, and she relaxed just enough that he was granted entrance to explore her with his lips and tongue. She finally reciprocated. She tasted like sangria. She was just as sweet as he had imagined her to be. He tasted her and tried to calm her with soothing caresses of his lips against hers. He wanted to make her forget. He felt himself getting lost in their kiss. He focused only on her, her taste, her touch, the feel of her hot skin against his even with the fabric of their clothes separating them.

  It was a few moments into their kiss that something snapped and suddenly their kiss became frantic and frenzied. Amery reached around her and pulled her up his body as she wrapped her legs around his waist. He trailed kisses from her mouth to her jaw and then her neck as she leaned her head back, granting him access to more of her.